The Ex Factor

Here’s the problem with living in your husband’s hometown – you run into people who know him everywhere. What’s wrong with that, you say? Well, many of these people happen to be girls who used to date him. And apparently, my husband had quite the busy teenage years. Don’t get me wrong – I’m glad that he was not an agoraphobic, dungeons and dragons playing, look at my newest collection of retainers that look like star wars characters kind of kid (no offense to these kids – retainers just kind of freak me out. I really don’t want to see the exact shape of someone else’s mouth). I’m also glad that these girls still have a very favorable opinion of him and don’t say something like “You’re Tyler’s wife? Seriously? Wow, um, okay. Good luck.” But really, did he have to be SO social? Or, at the very least, did he have to date the girls that love Columbus enough to have hung around here?

Tyler is his prime Single Days. Don't worry - he didn't always dress like this (they're going swimming) but no wonder he left quite a few girls in his wake.

Apparently, however, his past affections know no geographical bounds. The other day I met a friend at the Zoo with a group of other moms I didn’t know. Turns out, one of the other girls was one of Tyler’s summer flings when they were 17. This was a girl he met over a summer in Utah – and now she lives here! It’s like I get to be reminded every where I go that he had other girls, in other places, in other times of his life. Times I don’t like to think about. Times that I don’t like to believe existed. I may have dated other guys but Tyler – he was completely single by choice until we met. Girls wanted to date him but he was just waiting for “the one”. I’ve constructed a whole history for him prior to us meeting. Did you know he also used to volunteer in an orphanage and he was once asked to be the new face of Axe body spray but he turned it down because he didn’t want to be objectified by the world? It’s true. In my head.

The other problem is that every girl I run into is beautiful, and I mean BEAUTIFUL. I suppose I should take that as a complement that he married me but it’s hard to think of that when you’re standing next to this girl that you’re pretty sure just threw her silky hair back in slow motion while you haven’t showered in three days and your kid has snot running from his nose. One time, I sat at a table next to one of Tyler’s “friends” at a wedding and she was super tall, super skinny, blonde and gorgeous. Not only should she have been a model, she actually used to be. And guess what I was?

Nine months pregnant. And hormonal. Awesome.

WOULD YOU WANT THIS...

I don't think she dated Tyler. But I can't be sure these days.

OR THIS?

You can't see my gigantic preggo belly because the cat is sitting on it. Yes, sitting on it.

Perhaps the biggest problem of all is that every girl I meet is really nice too. Isn’t there some sort of girl code that if you have dated a guy that dated another girl, the other girl automatically must be messed up in some weird I have nine cats and say I’m a winner! in the mirror every night before bed kind of way? Like the girl from the Zoo – I really liked her. Like a lot. Like it would be fun to hang out again. She was funny, down to earth and fun to talk to. In reality, I wasn’t really jealous of her at all (she was married and had two beautiful kids and she only knew Tyler for a summer, after all) but it just got me thinking about how many of these friends we’ve run into – and how many I can expect to run into in the future.

So I guess all I can do for the next few years is put on my best smile, practice my “oh you guys used to date? That is SO funny!” response and just be grateful that I landed such a wonderful guy.

And steer clear of all tall skinny blondes.