Thursday, August 19, 2010

I May Need to Borrow a Cape

If you have ever asked kids what they want to be when they grow up, invariably there’s always a skinned-kneed kid with unruly hair who boldly declares, “Superhero!” punctuated with a little kid air punch. All the other little kids are a bit more realistic with answers such as teacher, astronaut, princess (Grace Kelly did it) and even the creepy kid who wants to be an obstetrician. Adults usually smile, pat the superhero on the head and send them off to play, keeping an extra eye out for that obstetrics kid.

If accountants dressed like this, more kids would want to be one.

But good news all you little aspiring crime fighters! Superhero is on its way to a legitimate profession! Criminals tremble! Spandex manufacturers rejoice!

I wish I had known about this sooner. If I had, I totally wouldn’t have spent my college years studying useless things like political science and sociology and instead honed my skills of ninja moves, cat-like reflexes and a super low monotone voice. Four years of my life, wasted.

Some say it’s never too late and, with the exception of anyone over age 14 sporting a I Heart Justin Bieber shirt, I would have to agree. So I’ve come up with my own Superhero alter-ego.

Bad guys and social injustices beware!

I am – the DEbDUCER! I will Deduce (or DEbDUCE as the verb that I will coin and copyright) all characters of a nefarious nature from their whole to merely a fraction of themselves. I will use my skills of DEbDUCTION ™ to infiltrate their hiding places and thwart their schemes. I will also be handy at fractions.

My calling card will be this: 4/8 = 2 late/4 bad guys.

I will wear spanx under my gold spandex.

I can only save people when Tyler’s home from work. Or if I could get someone to watch Landon. Or if maybe I could get the carseat in my DEbDUCE-mobile. But then IT’S ON!

Who’s with me?


  1. I'd like to see a picture of you in your superhero costume!! Haha. I can only imagine what my superhero abilities would be - it would have to go something like this - can clean up spit up with a single wipe, can smell poopy diapers a room away, has a magical bag full of toys, food, diapers and wipes! Haha!!

  2. This is a great idea! Will you have a side kick? If I were going to be a superhero, my super power would need to be the ability to transport myself (and others) instantaneously to other places. Otherwise the responsibility might not be worth it.

  3. A sidekick! Of course! I guess Landon will have to be my sidekick since I can't seem to shake the little guy.

    Do you think I'll be intimidating wearing a BabyBjorn?

  4. Absolutely! It almost be like your are a co-joined super-hero. Wow!