Thursday, November 18, 2010

Weird Welcome Here

I had a recent conversation with a friend in which we both bemoaned the fact that we are weird magnets. Weirdness courses it’s way through the world and sticks to us with such force that we’re always hit a bit off kilter. Our husbands both say that it’s because we are friendly to strangers which makes the crazy come out that much easier. But as I thought about all the weird stuff that has happened to me, I realized that not all of it had to do with other people. It had to do with me. And my positively charged ions.

So - because it’s only natural to give you some examples, because the list gets longer and longer the more I live and because, gosh darnit, it’s just entertaining, here are a list of some of the weird things that have happened to me:

1. I was bitten by a terrorists’ horse when I was 9 (notice the s’. Not a euphemistically terrorist horse. A terrorists’ses horse). One day while I was playing outside a miniature horse showed up in my yard and long story short – it bit my leg. It belonged to a house down the street where a sketchy group of people lived. A couple months later the men from the house were arrested and it was reported that a terrorist cell had been broken up. Not sure if the miniature horse was part of the plan. Most likely. Stupid horse.

2. I was burned by a boiling pot of potatoes when I was 4 and had to stay at the hospital a few days. Where was I burned? I would tell you BUT I can’t get BEHIND on my list. I REAR-ly can’t.

3. I once had to beg on the streets of Moscow for money for the Metro. Then a man took pity on my 17-year old self and tried to take me home with him. And they say chivalry is dead!

4. In high school I broke my foot dancing. To Christina Agulaira’s Genie in a Bottle. In my room. By myself. I can’t help that I feel the music.

5. I once split my toe in half by sitting on it.  A wooden chair, a white carpet, a mother coming to my aid with a feminine hygiene product, a confused bloody daughter and an aunt laughing hysterically may have been involved.

6. I once had to hide behind parked cars from a man with a gun. I used to work in social services and was responsible for interviewing parties in domestic violence disputes. After one particularly creepy interview I went out to the parking lot only to find the man I had just interviewed was there, waiting. He drove up behind me and followed me very slowly. I couldn’t get to my car or back to work without passing by him so I just hid between two parked cars and called inside. He sat there for awhile until finally driving off. The cops pulled him over a few streets down and he had a shotgun in his car. Believe it or not, it actually took another similar incident like that for me to quit that job.

 7. I have an extra bone in my lower back. This isn’t exactly something that “happened” to me but is weird nonetheless. I think it just means that I am evolutionaryily behind everyone else. Take THAT Darwin!

8. I walked around for more than two weeks almost fully in labor with Landon, but I didn’t know it – I couldn’t feel contractions. I had to be induced because my doctor thought he would just drop right out. Nurses came into my room to see the freakish “no-pain girl.” That moniker didn’t last long.

9. I was once proposed to via a passed-along note by a man sitting near me on an airplane who had previously explained to me that the last time he was on a plane he saw a winged angel flying alongside his window. I may have told the guy sitting next to me that the note was for him.

10. I was proposed to (by my husband) by an elaborately staged home break in. Scare the girl to death so that marriage seems like a good alternative, that’s the way to do it. Sometimes, to keep the romance alive, we watch Cops together.

Those are only the things that I could explain in a sentence or two. The list continues on and on and on. Like my husband says, “that would happen to you.”

But as much as my mom tells me I’m unique (just like everyone else) I know I’m not the only one with an interesting experiences list.

What are some of the weirdest things that have happened to you?


  1. I was almost kidnapped once when I was a year old. Long story short, my mom woke up from a nap because she thought she heard the phone ringing. No phone ringing, but their apartment front door open, her underwear drawer rifled through, and someone fleeing down the stairs outside with me left sitting on the landing. Creepy!!!!

  2. whoa, Nollie's story is crazy!

    Debbie, I love this post. Everyone loves a platform to share their random stories! I've been thinking about my weird stories all day. Haha.

    I already told you about my craziest one- when I was little going Christmas shopping with my mom and sisters, walking into Toys R Us and being snuck up on, held at gunpoint and robbed!

    Another way less scary but totally weird happened to my mom. A few summers ago, she was just laying on her bed reading a book, when all of a sudden and out of no where, the sliding glass door beside her completely shattered into millions of small glass pieces. To this day, they still don't know why, but her best theory is that perhaps a screw fell out of an airplane while it was flying and hit her door? Hey, it could happen!

  3. I can't believe you put the BUTT story on there! Your mom still cries when you tell that story....ha ha ha!Oh and the toe story is one of my Favs as well :)

    I once had to hide under my mom's car after being chased on my bike by a man in a pick-up truck. He was later caught by the police..Yup he was a kidnapper!!

  4. on one of my flights home from England i was befriended by an African woman who was "going to visit her boyfriend" in Seattle. when we arrived at customs she was pulled inside for an interview. she begged me to wait for her. after about 20 minutes in the customs office an agent came out, explained to me that she would not be granted access into the country and that i should head to my connecting flight.

    the next day (and i'm serious) there was a story in the newspaper about a terrorist plot that had been thwarted. they had prevented a group of people trying to enter the country from (said woman/friend's city of origin). weird magnet? that's me...